The theme for September at Umaversity is all about pleasure. Let’s talk about desires, treasure hunting, and learning from our bodies. But also, let me explain to you why you need to be more selfish when it comes to pleasure, also in a relationship.
Who is responsible?
In society, movies and books we are often taught that pleasure is the responsibility of our (bed)partners. And, if they don’t succeed, it is because they are incapable of giving pleasure. But the truth is, when it comes to pleasure, we are the ones who carry that responsibility. Why? Because I believe pleasure is an expression of our free will, but with freedom also comes responsibility. So, we owe it to ourselves to take responsibility for our sexual desires.
Fight those battles
As we all know at Umaversity, more knowledge is more pleasure. And one of the most important knowledge that we have is the knowledge that we can find in ourselves. Before we can freely enjoy our bodies on our own, we have to fight a few battles, mental battles let’s say. The first battle is the one where we give ourselves permission to enjoy our own company and that there is nothing strange about having a little sexual date with ourselves. Secondly, we have to lower the voice of our inner critic and create space to be able to feel beautiful and sexy all by ourselves. As long as we keep on having trouble with being inside our bodies, there is no room to explore. And if there is no space to explore, how can we own up to our desires?
Finding your Pleasure = Self care
To me, exploring my pleasure is like creating a magnetic energy field where all my senses as a human are activated. As humans, we have the ability to create this with our bodies and mind. So why would we deprive ourselves of this magical thing? Because of shame? Nope, not on my watch. Finding your pleasure is maybe one of the biggest parts of self-care. Yes, the cucumbers on the eyes, while sipping your matcha-coco-latte is nice, But it isn’t getting to the core of your real desires. Real self-care is about tuning in with our bodies and actually listening, to what it wants to tell us. If we can’t listen to the desires of our senses, how can we expect someone else to hear them?
What often occurs is that during sex, we tend to do what we think we have to do, instead of actually doing what we like to be doing. This is the point where we get disconnected from our bodies and desires and end up stuck in our heads. And we all know that being stuck in your head is not the most desirable place to be. That’s why finding your own pleasure takes practice, and luckily for us, it is actually one of the most fun practices right?
Once we finally mastered the practice of finding our own pleasure and exploring all the hidden rooms in our castle, we can invite some guests. Finding our freedom in pleasure and engaging in sexual self-care provides us with a sense of aliveness and magic. Which we all deserve, with or without a partner.
Tips for Finding your Pleasure
Plan a date with yourself in your agenda and write down all the things you would like to explore with your body.
Fantasize about certain situations that are arousing to you and feel what areas of your body react to this fantasy.
Don’t rush, but take the time to touch, feel and experience all the areas of your body that want to tell you something. Listen carefully and maybe you will find a new thing that you can apply with your or a partner.
So next time you’re sipping on your matcha-coco-latte, add a little self-exploration and maybe you will be surprised with a new treasure.
Best of pleasure my ladies and enjoy the treasure hunt!
Bowi, also known as Bowi's Boudoir. NLP coach with a specialization in sexuality and self-awareness. In her coaching work, she uses Lingerie as a tool and tries to broaden the spectrum of feminity with LingerieTherapie: 'Im not here to tell you what to do or even how do it, but i do want to share my thoughts, lessons and journey in my own persuit of feminity.'
Book a session with Bowi at Lingerietherapie.nl