Reclaiming Your Sexuality From the Inside Out: An Interview with Danique
- Joanne Smolders
- 12 hours ago
- 6 min read
Sexual trauma is one of the most silenced experiences women+ carry and yet it shapes everything. Body coach and sexological bodyworker Danique opens up about her own journey, and offers a powerful roadmap back to yourself.
Sexuality is one of the most tender, complex, and misunderstood territories a woman+ can navigate. Society either oversimplifies it, shames it, or ignores its full weight, especially when trauma is part of the story. But what happens when we slow down, turn inward, and finally ask ourselves what we actually want? In this Umaversity Podcast conversation, Umaversity founder Jo Sarah sits down with Danique, body and sexual wellness coach and certified sexological bodyworker, to talk about the long, nonlinear road of reclaiming your sexuality and why that journey might be the most important one you ever take.
"Even though I've never regretted it, I knew that wasn't an authentic way of reclaiming. That was a traumatized way of reclaiming my power." — Danique
How did your path to this work begin?
Danique's curiosity about sexuality started young, almost embarrassingly so, she laughs. As a child, she ran to her grandmother after a school lesson with an innocent, direct question. Her grandmother, rooted in Catholic tradition, shut it down fast. That moment planted a seed: why are these questions forbidden?
Through puberty, she kept asking. The people around her responded with shame, calling her names, spreading rumors, punishing her curiosity with cruelty. She went on to experiment widely in her twenties, drawn toward progressive communities in Berlin and beyond. But it took becoming sober, sitting still, and finally acknowledging her own sexual trauma for something deeper to shift. That was the real beginning.
You thought you were already "reclaimed." What changed?
"From the age of 14, I was like: I want to have sex, I'm doing it my way," Danique explains. She moved through the world with what felt like confidence and openness. But underneath, something else was running the show.
When she got sober and the noise quieted down, she saw it clearly: the freedom she thought she had was actually a trauma response. Her brain had found a way to feel powerful, through volume, through experience, because the alternative was sitting with pain she wasn't ready to face.
True reclaiming doesn't start with doing more. It starts with getting honest about what's underneath.
Danique describes it as an ongoing verb, not a destination. "It's everyday work. It's not going to stop till the day I die."
What is Yoni de-armoring and who is it for?
Yoni is the Sanskrit word for the vulva and vaginal canal, the entire sacred portal of a woman+. De-armoring is the understanding that unprocessed emotions and trauma don't just live in the mind. They live in the body. In the tissue. In the pressure points of the most intimate places.
When Danique works with clients in Yoni de-armoring sessions, she moves slowly, with consent at every step, addressing trigger points in and around the vulva where stored experiences tend to collect. Tears come. Memories surface. Sometimes emotions arrive without any clear story attached, just a release the body has been waiting years to make.
Jo Sarah shared her own experience of this on the podcast: a moment of pressure, then tears, then a sudden understanding of something she hadn't consciously remembered. "The body stores so much memory that your mind has erased, because it couldn't handle it," she said.
Danique is clear: this practice isn't only for people with significant trauma. Generational patterns, experiences that happened too fast, moments where you weren't fully present. It can be for anyone with a body that has lived a life. "I've rarely met a woman+ who had all good experiences when it comes to sexuality,"she says. "There is so much stored there. And it deserves to be met with love."
Danique's Four-Step Framework: From Noticing to Action
One of the most practical tools Danique shares comes from her somatic training.
A simple but profound sequence for reconnecting with yourself before you react, respond, or reach for someone else.
Notice — Something happens. You feel something shift. Pause there. Don't fix it, don't explain it. Just register that something is present. This step alone is more powerful than most people realize.
Trust — Believe that what you're feeling is real and worth taking seriously. Your nervous system is giving you information, not overreacting.
Acknowledge and Value — Give it a name. Give it weight. Say to yourself: this matters, and so do I.
Take Action — Only now. From this grounded place, decide what you want to do, communicate something, set a boundary, seek support, or simply rest in the knowing.
"There are three to four steps before you take action," Danique emphasizes. "And that's the whole point."
For women+ who feel ready to reconnect, but scared
One of the community questions in this episode came from a woman+ who described feeling ready to explore her sexuality again, but afraid of triggering old wounds. It's one of the most common places women+ find themselves after a period of healing: standing at the edge, wanting to step forward, unsure how.
Danique's advice is beautifully practical. Start by deciding in advance, before the date, before the moment. What boundary matters to you that day. Not kissing. Not going home with someone. Not drinking alcohol if that's what loosens your edges in ways you don't want. Set the boundary before you need it, so you're not making decisions from inside the feeling.
And when things go further than you wanted? Danique offers a three-part communication tool she gives to almost every client:
State the fact — name what happened, clearly and simply.
Say how it made you feel — without judgment, just truth.
Make a request — give the other person something to respond to.
"It's so basic," she says, "but it's so often overlooked." And she adds something important: if you can't get all three out in the moment because your nervous system is overwhelmed. You can come back to it. You can say it later. The most important thing is that you stay true to yourself.
The moment you say yes to someone else and no to yourself, you move further away from who you are.
When everything feels too much to carry alone
Sexual trauma is lonely in a particular way. You discover it on your own timeline. When You have to explain it to people who weren't there, the complexity of it, the way it shapes your nervous system, your relationships, your self-worth, is almost impossible to convey.
Danique speaks about this with quiet rawness: "The immense amount of pain you feel inside, it can be really, really lonely." What helped her most was finding people who had walked a similar path. Not identical, but every experience is unique. It got close enough that she stopped feeling like she was carrying something no one else could understand.
That shift, from isolation to belonging, changed everything. "Now I actually never really feel alone anymore."
Closing: You are the author of your reclaiming
Reclaiming your sexuality is not something you turn on or off. It is a relationship you build with yourself, slowly, season by season. It asks for support. It asks for boundaries. It asks for the courage to keep showing up, even imperfectly. You are the author of this reclaiming, and you get to write it in your own time.
About Danique
Danique is a body and sexual wellness coach and certified sexological bodyworker based in the Netherlands. Drawing from sexological bodywork, somatic therapy, tantric traditions, and her own lived experience of recovery, she works with women+ and individuals navigating sexual trauma, boundaries, and reconnection to the body. Her approach is trauma-aware, shame-free, and deeply rooted in the belief that the body holds its own wisdom and that healing happens when we finally listen.
Want to go deeper? Watch or listen to the full conversation on the Umaversity Podcast. And if you're ready to be part of a community of women+ who are doing this work together, join us at Umaversity for online and offline events, expert sessions, and our weekly educational newsletter. All the links are below. Your tribe is waiting. 🎟️ Join our Umaversity community for online and offline events, expert support, and unapologetic self-discovery.
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